I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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