Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
