Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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