This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
