yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
