no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
