Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
