I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
