Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
