I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
