Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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