I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
