Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
