You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
