dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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