haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
