just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
