We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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