I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
