and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
