No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
