we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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