Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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