So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
