the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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