I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
