I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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