when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
