I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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