He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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