hotel room ftw
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
