Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
