She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
as a side note pls kill me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
