peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
