it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
