Duck Duck Cougar?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
