Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
