hotel room ftw
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
