lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
