Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
