He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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