...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
