Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
