i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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