Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
