If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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