It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
