dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
