that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
