when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
