He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
