Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sex in a hospital.. check
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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