who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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