We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
