WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
