Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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