And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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