my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
